Connect With Carol Brown: Healing

Showing posts with label Healing. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Teaching Room

One morning in 2010 I had a tremendous “head spin”—the Lord took me somewhere. It appeared to be an “ante” room adjoining His throne room. This is a little teaching room where scribes come to take down the words of the Lord. We are to meet here daily and He will teach me. With the short term memory of a gnat I turned around and forgot, the Lord graciously helps me to "find" it this evening!

The things I cannot understand I will put on the “mystery” shelf. Someday, Lord, You will restore the human spirit and brain to the capacity that Adam had. He could walk and talk with you face to face. My bandwidth has been severely limited because of the fall. Salvation can repair that to some degree, developing relationship with You to an additional degree, actively putting into practice what You teach me will repair me yet more. I will be fully restored only when face to face once again. Here is what was on God’s heart that day and these are the notes I took down.

Healing: There are things about healing which the human mind cannot fathom. First understand that the bottom line is, I, God, am good and every good thing proceeds from My hand.

Time is different in the spirit—actually there is neither time nor distance in the spirit. Now this blows my mind right here...I don't have a place for that! I know how Nicodemus felt. Three sentences out of His mouth and I'm already lost! Sheesh! Time and distance are earthly constructs. I stand outside your time and I wait for the fullness of time. Healing out of time will have ramifications you cannot foresee.

Consequences—sin has consequences. Having to live with the consequences of sin--if forgiveness is received and a clean and contrite heart are maintained--the consequences can lead to maturity and depth of relationship. Consequences are sometimes developmentally necessary. If there were no consequences, a youngster who hurt himself in a foolish act would not have any incentive not to go out and do it again! They serve as a reminder, as a boundary. Remove the consequences and you lose the impetus to mature and deepen your relationship. I would much rather you develop our relationship with Me than be free of consequence, shallow and immature! I choose to put up with your moaning and groaning because I know it is all noise and does not affect the set of your will to lean into Me.

I am so glad that the Lord looks on the heart and doesn't listen to all my kvethching! Consequences are good for me? Okay. Like Arthur Burke says, "I never would have written the script this way, but since You have, I am choosing to believe You see something I don't see, and from Your point of view this is good and right and loving. Therefore, I celebrate Your wisdom from my place of limited perspective."

I am compelled to take some Selah moments and think about these things. If you would like to share your Selah moment with the rest of us, I for one would be grateful.

Blessings, Carol

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Reader Feedback

Just as I am struggling to come up with a balance in the midst of this major paradigm shift that the Lord has initiated and am tempted to hang up the writing career, I receive feedback from a reader of my books on burden bearing/high sensitivity. This gentleman was so helped--these kinds of letters keep me encouraged to wrestle on with this calling of the Lord to write. It goes a long way to quench the desire to just give it all up and knit!

Here it is:

The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity

I was blessed when I was asked to review this book and give a testimonial of sorts. Its impact on me has been awesome and continues to have its impact on me. It amazes me how Jesus asked one of His sisters to write a book many years ago. Being obedient the book is written. And today it has literally saved my life many years later. This is a book that was written from the heart and not the intellect. It expresses the heart of the one who wrote it and the One who inspired it. The difference between a testimony and a teaching is that teaching imparts knowledge which is stored and processed in the intellect. A testimony, on the other hand, imparts the Life of Christ. The book “The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity” is such a book that ministers the Life of Christ and isn’t an intellectual description of real events.

In order to understand the impact that this book had on me you must have some understanding of where I was at when the Lord directed me to this book. I am sixty years old. My entire life up to this point was nothing but suffering. I don’t remember any good thing ever happening to me. I lost my childhood to traumatic amnesia. I had the Job experience. I didn’t just have a series of bad hair days. Like Job I lost everything. A year ago my wife died after a long illness. My loss was the Lords gain. Having been married to her for 30 years it was quite devastating. In the devastation, I died too. Everything that held my life together was gone, including my religious beliefs. It appeared to me that God had committed first degree murder. Who did He murder? Me! I died to self but it appeared as though God took it upon his self to deal with “me” without my consent. I no longer had a reason to live. After the initial shock of my wife’s death started to subside I realized that now I was free to live for God. It is in this context that Lord directed me to this book.

The first thing that impacted in reading this book was how graphically it described my suffering. It also pointed to the cause. Empathy as it relates to burden bearing. I was responding to these feelings that weren’t my own just as if they were mine. The Lord was in the midst of it and large pieces of the picture of my life fell into place perfectly. I finally understood what happened and why!! This one thing is priceless! For the first time in my life I stopped running away from my emotions. The books also pointed out the right way to deal with these feelings. I have heard it a thousand time cast your burdens to Jesus. Now I understood what that meant. I have learned that even though the context in the book is burden bearing, I take all my feelings to the Lord now and that I’m not supposed to hold on to those feelings in the first place.

Another thing I discovered in this book was that no matter what the damage that was done, the Lord can bring healing. It also mentioned the “enemy of my soul tried to remove anything that would indicate who I was” (paraphrase). The first thing the Lord healed was the murder charge I laid on Him after my wife died. I would not have accepted the evidence that the Lord provided of His innocence if it had not been for what I read in this book. No matter what the damage the Lord can bring healing. Not only can He, He actually did bring healing!! The devil came within a half inch of completely destroying me and the Lord brought healing. It doesn’t get any worse than accusing the Lord of murder and meaning it with all my heart. Needless to say after three months me and the Lord back together again and everything explained to my satisfaction. (it involved forgiveness and repentance J).

High sensitivity (empathy) can be a burdensome gift when we do not understand what we are experiencing. When 70-80% of the general population is not highly sensitive you can see why they look at us and wonder what is wrong with us and urge us to "not be that way!" And in anguish we reply, "If only we could!" Our central nervous system is a design capability; it is hard wiring; it is part of our DNA. To fight against it or deny it is to turn away from our God-given design. To "hate" how I am is to hate what God has declared to be good, what He delights in. On our own the best we can do is to build defense mechanisms, coping strategies. But that leads to "existing" rather than living life abundantly.

I don't know about you, but I want to live life abundantly and experience the full capabilities of my design. I want to live out the purpose for which He designed me. If God has built me as a Ferarri, I say let's learn how to drive this thing!

Buckle up! Carol

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Camel Hair Shirt

I don’t know about you, but camel hair shirts really give me a rash! Maybe I’m allergic to camel hair. I hadn’t even realised I was wearing one until one day my writing partner suggested several radical measures to take on the piece I was writing. She was absolutely right, but after the call I carried on like the camel from which my shirt was made! I bellowed my objections that the load was too heavy. The way was too long. I moaned and groaned. I whined and carried on!

Just as my lament was reaching its crescendo, the Lord stood before me. He didn’t raise His voice. There was no sarcasm in His tone. He just stood there as Commander in Chief, as Lord. And He said, “You said you wanted to learn everything I have to teach you.” The truth of His words took my breath away. In the spirit I saw myself fall to my knees. I was undone by my own words. He was right. Absolutely right!

When I first awakened after the initial long sleep of MS many people wanted to pray for my healing. I let them. When I was not healed right away, another round of caring folk suggested first this healer and then another. I went to hear some of them, but always had to leave before much of anything happened. I don’t know why healing can’t happen in the church before 9:00 or 10:00 p.m.

There was always this hesitancy in me . . . a kind of knowing that the Lord was going to use the MS somehow for His glory and my benefit. That doesn’t make sense, I know, but God’s logic is quite different from ours and His values turn ours on end. I didn’t understand either—still don’t. But I told someone that I wanted to “milk” this experience of the disease for all it was worth. I was not in a hurry to receive my healing because I wanted to learn everything God had to teach me during this time. I did not want to do another lap around Sinai.

As the Lord repeated my own words to me, they hit with such a force I stopped mid-whine. The way He brought my own words back to me did something inside me. The whine was gone. All I could say was, “Yes, Lord.” I felt complaining was over and done—that I could rub on liniment when arduous work made me sore, but not complain? Never again!.

That was when I realised that underneath the robe of righteousness the Lord had given me was a camel hair shirt. I asked the Him “Why the shirt? I can’t get it off.” He explained that He provided the resources I would need when I accepted His calling. I was incredulous! “I need this hot, smelly, irritating undershirt!?” He didn’t respond to the question, just kept talking. “Every calling has its task(s). You are to engage the tasks, but as you do, the tasks will work on you, building and shaping you into the fullness of the character of Christ. The work and disciplines of your calling are the camel hair shirt. The things in and about that calling which poke and irritate the flesh, these are my gift to you.

I stood there with my mouth hanging open. If I understood Him correctly, writing and the rigours of MS are my “shirt” and if I am to learn all the Lord has to teach me, I will submit to those disciplines. I guess once a camel, always a camel. Sad to say, once the initial shock wore off, I have since then skated quite close to the edge of complaining. Like Rudyard Kipling”s camel, I have “humphed”.

I find I move into the flesh in ways I was unaware of. The work, or the people with whom I live and work, poke and jab and my flesh is irritatingly brought to light—sometimes raw from the chaffing, like an untended saddle sore. I am thinking, probably all flesh is allergic to camel hair.

I am aware that I have a choice at this point. I can choose to forgive and heal, bring flesh to death in relationship to others and the Lord. I can submit to the disciplines of my calling, or I can moan and groan and carry on like a camel. I am finding that as I do the nasty work of bringing flesh to death, the camel hairs irritate less. The disciplines, the parameters of my calling—even the people with whom I work struggle against or struggle because they are not available—all become the banks through which my spirit flows. They define my limits and boundaries; but they are not barriers to restrict or hem me in. Rather, they give direction and purpose to my life. They become the avenues through which others are blessed—to God’s glory and my benefit.

I am finding that when I begin to overheat it usually is not the camel hair shirt causing the problem. I tend to overheat when I move too quickly. I can’t seem to sprint down the lane set before me like an Olympic athlete—too much friction from my shirt. The hairs poke my flesh reminding me to not move that way. They encourage me to proceed at His pace, to stand straighter and walk taller, more like our Lord. That irritating gift keeps me on task—it helps me remember what it is I am doing and why.When I tire and collapse in a heap; when my shoulders melt down into my hips, my body doesn’t fit the shirt properly and the goofy thing starts poking. When I lean into the flesh the camel hairs encourage me to straighten up, to move and walk in the ways of the Lord. But until I learn to submit to it, this darned camel hair shirt is going to keep on giving me a rash!

Friday, May 11, 2012

God Thoughts--Epiphany About Healing

Welcome John 3:16 Blog Hoppers!

We had a wonderful message at church Sunday; as a result I finally have the answer I have searched for all these 16 years of living with MS! "When is God going to heal me?" Within hours of sliding off the diagnosis bench that day in 1995 I put my spear in the ground and took my stance. I said, "I am not in any hurry to get my healing because I want to learn everything the Lord can teach me through this disease." It has been a wild ride. Sometimes I have become tired because of the limitations of the disease; life would be so much simpler, easier, more fun and more productive if I were able to see correctly, move freely and had adequate energy. Still, I kept looking for the lessons of life so that I could share them with others, knowing that my having this disease was in some sense for the Body of Christ. Other times I said, "Okay, God. I know that You are all powerful. You are creative and not limited in your teaching methods. You can teach me the remaining things we all need to know by other means than solely by means of this disease! So--heal me! I've had enough already!"

I also know that God's time is kairos, not chronological and that He experiences time differently than we do...but what was/is He waiting for? Why not heal me right now? That is how Mary and Martha felt. Jesus answer to their asking "Why?" was that He waited for the time that would result in the most glory for His name (John11:41)! Raising Lazerus from the dead brought more glory than a simple healing. The question facing me is, "What will bring God the most glory--healing, or living the rest of my life with this disease joy filled and without loosing faith?" I do not know the answer to that question. But I know that I will be healed on the day that God will receive the most glory! If the most glory comes by my being faithful, gracious and joyful in spite of what the disease does to my body, then that will probably be the way we go! But I am also open to being completely healed, like yesterday and being willing to do what He says and go where He sends!

I know that the day I asked Him for healing, He said "Yes!" It is there for me--I have not seen it yet. I have thought that I needed to do the hard work of learning the lessons He had/has for me and to do the hard work of exercise to build up muscles and nerves. And, when I had learned enough and prepared myself adequately that He would heal. I have been very alert to watch for lessons He could teach me. I work hard to build the habits of exercise. I not thinking that anymore. It is important work to do and I need to do it because I feel better when I do; but my healing does not hinge upon it. My healing hinges not on my efforts, but upon when God will receive the most glory.

My focus has changed. Now I am alert for what is the next right thing; to follow His voice and do His bidding. My focus is not on the healing or lack thereof; it is on Him. I knew that on one level, but now on another. The light is beginning to dawn as to how Paul could be thankful for his affliction--because out of it God received great glory. A side effect was that he was conformed more and more into the image of Christ. And yes, there is a book coming about the lessons. It is almost ready to see the light of day.

I would be honored if you would share out of your "blessed affliction." And also be sure to leave your name and email address in the comment box if you would like to enter to win a set of burden bearing books that shed light on life as a highly sensitive person. You can learn more about them here: www.fromgodsheart.com

Blessings, Carol

Blog Hop Participants:

1. Lorilyn Roberts (John 3:16 Network Blog) –http://john316mn.blogspot.com/

2. Lynn Dove – Word Salt (Host blog) - http://wordsalt.wordpress.com/

3. Laura J. Davis - http://interviewsandreviews.blogspot.com/

4. Paulette Harper - http://www.pauletteharperjohnson.blogspot.com/

5. Carol A. Brown - http://connectwithcarolbrown.blogspot.com/

6. April Gardner - http://www.aprilwgardner.com/

7. Sue Russell – http://www.suerussellsblog.blogspot.com/

8. Thomas Blubaugh - http://tomblubaugh.net/

9. Susan F. Craft – http://historicalfictionalightintime.blogspot.com/

10. Heather Bixler – http://heatherbixler.com/

11. Joy Hannabass – http://splashesofjoy.wordpress.com/