Saturday, July 13, 2013

What does recovery look like?

Photo courtesy of Edna San Miguel

Recovery is a big part of life for people with chronic illness. To help you understand what recovery looks like, I thought I would re-post a blog I did a few years ago. It really catches up where I am at right now. 

 Photo courtsey of Microsoft
The Lord dropped a business course in my lap--I knew it was from Him and I also KNEW that I was to apply to be part of it. Before receiving acceptance I was up to reason 25 that I would not be included in that select group. I have no business bones in my body--not one! At least not that I know about. My mind does not run in those directions. Business is a foreign language. I don't really have a business anyway--I'm just trying to sell my book to spread the message...consider that some of the symptoms you deal with may be due to high sensitivity. Of course, I would also like to recoup my investment.

Photo courtsey of Microsoft
I am into the last week of this course and my ability to endure has remained so I know God is supporting me in this. I only had two meltdowns in the first module. It cost me incredibly to twist my brain around to think business-speak. The second module was not so demanding--more like how I normally think. Now I am into the last module and about to send in my homework. I am wasted tired. 

So after I submit the homework, recovery is on the agenda and to express what recovery looks like, here is the re-post...
On Monday Morning

When I listen to Christian speakers, they will often build a concept, then to bring it from the abstract to where we live. They will say, "Now what does that look like on Monday morning?" Here is a word picture of what spiritual sensitivity can look like on a Monday morning. 


If life were like the wind....

      Some days would be hurricane gale forces.
      Some days would be refreshing gentle      
      Some days would just plain blow . . .
      And some days would blow your skirt up!

Today, Monday, this is what high sensitivity looks like at our house. I am sitting in my recliner looking out the window. The sky is blue; trees, lawns--everything else is vibrant green. Flowers are out in their glory; the breeze is making a lovely sound blowing through the trees. Birds are singing their little throats sore but rather than being out there soaking it all up, I am having a hard time moving. It is laundry day but it sits in its basket. I'll have writers group tonight but I'm not preparing for that either.

What is the matter? Why is it that my body does not respond to my passion for tidiness, for sharing what is on God's heart, and for writing? And what does spiritual sensitivity have to do with it?

This past week was a hurricane force wind. My husband had one of "those weeks... you know, where he gave 120%. I brace myself to survive those kind of weeks! Because of the oneness of spirit, I quite literally share the week with him! I'll find myself distracted or in intercession or distracted because of intercession--it's hard to concentrate, stay focused or accomplish much. 

I understand. God designed me to be able to carry some of David's burden so that he can function with clarity. That's part of what the marriage covenant is about--what it does--makes us one. Of course when I said "I do" I didn't have a clue about what I was signing up for! You can find more about how burden bearing works in marriage in The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity ( Sheesh! Why don't they tell us these things! 

Anyhow, I was looking forward to the refreshing gentle breeze of the weekend only to find that he had scheduled himself for an entire weekend webinar! Due to the size of our little apartment, I attended as well. It requires a huge outlay of energy to follow concepts that challenge both mind and spirit, even more energy when they had problems with audio!  Now add to that unexpected company for the weekend to view the webinar with us! Oy! The gentle breeze I was looking forward to developed a quick gust--it blew my skirt up and I was too pooped to even squeal! Anyone relate?

 Photo courtesy of Thrive

Being highly sensitive means I must now give myself grace, lots of grace. And...what does grace look like on Monday? Recharging batteries does not happen with a 15 minute break, it's more like a slow spring refilling with water after being drained. You just have to leave it alone and let it fill. Each day over the next few days my schedule will have several two or three hour blocks of time for watching my fern grow, listening to good worship music, and/or long conversations with my bf (Jesus) and long pauses where neither He nor I have anything to say. Oh, I might squeeze laundry in sometime this week. But I figure, as long as there is a clean set of undies in my hubby's drawer, we are golden!

How do you recharge your batteries? Is it okay for you to be kind to yourself? Or, does your list drive you?

Blessings, Carol...making it plain