Identity #2

There are four aspects to identity that are important to note. The first three are the sense of belonging, the sense of worth and competency. Competency is used to compensate for a shortfall in either belonging or worth. The sense of belonging and the sense of worth flow from or are the result of a picture you have of yourself. Belonging and worth are a result of how this picture causes you to feel about yourself. However, the way in which this picture is acquired is critical, so I call the way the picture is acquired the fourth aspect.

Sense of Worth

The sense or feeling of worth comes from inclusion. A lack of worth comes from exclusion. The following questions will help you discern possible areas for repair. When you were a child,

• Did you have a part in decision making?
• Did you have choices?
• Could you choose the clothing you wore, the friends you played with?
• Could you choose what you wanted for your birthday dinner? 
• Did you choose the paint for your room?
• Did you choose your education, or were you told what to do and who you would be?
• Did someone tell you that you would be an engineer, a doctor, a pilot, a teacher, or that you would never amount to anything?
• Did people talk to you, over you, or about you as if you were a piece of furniture?
• Were you included in conversations, plans, outings, adventures, and fun?
• Were your opinions, needs, and desires ignored?
• Perhaps no one bothered to ask. Did anyone of significance applaud your accomplishments and attend your events?

Sense of Belonging

Messages of belonging come from having your needs met and the spirit in which those needs are met. They do not need to be met with an abundance of things, simply with consistency and love. You can have abundance, but if you are treated as an object rather than a cherished child, your sense of belonging will need repair. Mechanical meeting of needs without loving touch and concern or with inconsistent love and concern builds a very shaky sense of belonging. Sometimes you belong, and sometimes you don’t. Your heart wonders, which one is this? You become very adept at reading people and sensing their emotional state moment by moment because your safety and security depend upon an accurate assessment. If your belonging is in question or if the criteria for belonging continually shifts, the likelihood that you will need to compensate for a lack of belonging is much greater.

Meeting your needs with consistency and love communicates that you are valued, that you are cherished and that you are of great worth. This is the truth about you. The heart craves to be loved and cherished. What a dilemma when the people who should love do not or cannot!

If you have identified a gaping hole in your sense of worth or belonging and don't want to wait for suggestions for repair to appear in this blog, run on down to your local bookstore and order Highly Sensitive. "The Issue of Identity" is chapter 9. It is published by Destiny Image. ISBN: 13: 978-0-7684-3260-2. You can also get it through Amazon.com. It is such comfort to know that God will never leave us or forsake us (Deut. 31:6). Matthew 28:20b "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age". 

If some point struck a chord in you and you feel okay with sharing, I would love to know.

Blessings, Carol