A reader
asked a question that I think should become a blog post because so many highly
sensitive people struggle with this problem. I have asked permission to post this
blog and I have italicized my responses.
The
question is whether "highly sensitive people are meant to be Nature's 'Nice
Guys?'"
Just reading
the question made me break out in a rash!
Sometimes the most loving
thing we can do is pull the one we love up by the shorts. Or deliver a little
shock therapy! Nice guy, to me, equates to being a door mat, not responding with
anything other than a smile, and NO ONE should be a door mat other than the
actual mat! There are rules of dysfunction: Do not see what is happening. Do not hear. Do not trust or feel. Do not speak (about any of it). Nice guys go by the rules. A child of God who lives by those rules (the nice guy) will live in oppression.
She went on to say, "When we are
insulted by people, out of the blue, it throws us off completely.
Oh, yes and then you freeze up with
shock like a deer in the headlights and don’t respond! Only later to think of
what you “should” have said. Arrrgh, I hate that one! Image courtesy of Microsoft
Based on Christ's example in scripture
of not replying when rudely insulted, how do we
recover quickly from the insult?
"Quick" recovery? Quick is going to be different for each of us. Not being able to have a reply may be the Lord's protection so that you don't say something you really don't want to say! Ask the Lord how He sees your response time. Ask Him if that needs to change--would it be better to have a quick answer?
The Lord has shown me that what people
are most often insulting is Him in us—it’s like satan in them snarling at Jesus
in me. Realizing it is more about Him than me helps with that deer in the
headlights freeze reaction. I ask Him what He thinks about what so-and-so
said. Then I ask Him what if anything He wants to do about it. Would He like
me to respond to it, what does He want me to say? Of course, you then need to
say what He tells you to say...
Then, I think you need
to look in the larger context of Christ’s years on earth—sometimes He did have
things to say. When the Pharisees came at Him, He often cut them off at the
knees. He didn’t do it rudely, He merely silenced them with truth. My husband
taught us as a family to “find your truth and stand on it.” This is a defense
against door to door salesmen but it also works for social bullies, Christian or
otherwise—find your (biblical) truth and just repeat it. When they come at you a
different way, repeat your truth. They finally realize you are going to only
speak your truth; they are not going to get anywhere and they break off and
leave you alone. In the case of the salesman, it might be “I have
decided not to buy today.” When they come at it from another angle, repeat “I
have decided not to buy today.” Just keep doing that no matter what they say and
they will finally stop.
Another thing you could do is ask
Jesus to help you think through several truth statements that you could memorize
and tuck away to pull out in emergency situations. Sometimes the truth wrapped in grace will silence the Pharisee! Truth spoken with grace, not
rudely for that would be to respond in kind and you want to respond in the
opposite spirit, will often silence the rudeness. Additionally, it will protect
you from feeling stupid or like a door mat because you will have made a
response—and truthfully so, whereas insults are often untruth or half truth
wrapped in innuendo!
Hope that
helps!
Let me know if these ideas were helpful! Or perhaps some of you readers may have suggestions? I'd like to hear from you. What has helped you?
Blessings, Carol...making it plain
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